ka-boom-de-adda

click it to make it bigger and less blurry. or just go to the website thingy.

and now a parable i wrote for english class:

Chuang Tzu heard tell of a foolish king who ruled in a small nearby land. The king had declared war on a much larger empire for petty reasons. The empire’s army out swiped the tiny militia in every way. The kingdom was promptly absorbed into the empire. The king was imprisoned without hesitation.

Chuang Tzu was intrigued and went to see the dethroned king of the small territory in prison. He asked “What possessed you to declare war on the most powerful empire in the world?” The king replied “Mapmakers drew the empire to be one hundred times the size of my kingdom to deter me from attacking; I had the mapmakers banished. Scouts told of endless lands under control of one man; I had the scouts banished. It never occurred to me that the empire truly was superior to my kingdom. Every thing I created had to be superior to all else.”

and now for a random picture! 10 bonus points if you can tell me where it was taken. tell me in comment form. trent, you are not allowed to answer.

the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a pretty spiffy set of commandments.

1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go fuck yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick). 1. Ending poverty 2. Curing diseases 3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable. I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
   

what we've got here...

is a failure... to communicate. one man you just can't reach. and that's the way he wants it. well, he gets it!

one of my favorite old movies ever. really cool prison escape movie. you should put it on your netflix queue, if you haven't seen it. put it right on the top.

watch the 2nd most memorable part, right behind that quote up there, and right before the whole "where'd the road go?" scene.

RIP, Paul Newman.



on an entirely seperate note: ASSASSINS!!!!

Death Star Canteen

Eddie Izzard is officially an equal to the Almighty Monty Python in my book.

i havent laughed this hard since... well i was going to say "in a long time" but thats not true because i was cracking up last night/this morning at the Rocky Horror show. "Show me the picture of a sex crazed transvestite!"

Reunited

If you haven't been reading PvP, I'm ashamed of you. I command you to go read through all ten years of archives. NOW. it's worth it to know why i'm weeping like the little girl i am over this strip.

i read through all of the archives about 3 years ago. there's so many hilarious strips, so many amazing plot lines... Why does Robot Francis wait in line for a movie for months on end? Who is Tuttle? Why do the basset hound talk, and what's with Scratch Fury Destroyer of Worlds?

.....i've missed Skull.

Truly the Homeworld

Approximately 7 minutes ago, at 12:02, I found the Earth.

Yeah.

See, i've been playing Spore non-stop since last Wednesday. i just haven't been able to shut the laptop. i grudgingly go to bed at 3 am, only to have to wake up at 6 to get to school. (needless to say, ive been super-slacking on homework).

But about an hour ago, i was looking through the Achievements page, and noticed that there was an award for finding Earth. i mentally went "holy shit, theres actually an earth in this galaxy ive been fooling around in. i must find it. i must colonize."
so i googled it. i cheated. i went to a forum, where someone had posted pictures. and even then, i still had to find a way to get all the way through the galaxy to find Sol. i went through wormholes galore, enough that i know im never going to find my way back to my fictional Homeworld, Epineaus. Where the Slitheryn Empire is based (yes i'm a harry potter freak.) i kept on ending up in the wrong arm of the galaxy, because they all kind of look the same to me. but i prevailed in the end! (the coordinates i found for it were Angle: 225.06', Distance: 7,295.43 pc). i found Sol, i colonized Earth, and I'm about to snag that rare item on Mars that i spy. i might even make Mars into a Wildlife Sanctuary, since i didnt think about doing that with Earth until i had already planted a colony right smack dab in the middle of the Sahara (it's greener in the game...).

I'm all proud of myself now. I found the Manifest Destiny (the cool American History name for the achievement for finding Earth). So now my new goal, one that will most certainly NOT happen in a hour, is finding Acheivement "42". The Center of the Galaxy!!!!!

the Rocky Horror

3 Doors Down is "sick," the concert is "postponed," and now life is ruined! I have no reason to go on! (jk, jk!) I must wait til December now, for something that should have been this Saturday. This is horrible. I'm not gonna kill myself over it though. Because today, I found out something AMAZING!

The Silver Screen theater downtown has a Rocky Horror Picture Show "interactive movie" show the last Saturday of every month, at 11:30 pm! Awesome! I'm totally going to go. My dad told me about these, he went to them all the time while he was in college in Gainesville, and I desperately wanna go!

because Tim Currey is hot in drag!
lqtm.

YouTube: the Time Warp.

Mental_Floss Tuition Give Away

Mental_Floss magazine is desperately trying to give away money. So basically, here's what you do to get it:

1. You post a note about the Tuition Giveaway on your blog/website.

2. Email collegeaintcheap@gmail.com with a link to your post that mentions our scholarship.

3. They’ll do a round-up here on mentalfloss.com with links to everyone who kindly promoted the Tuition Giveaway.

4. They’ll also select one site each week (at random) to feature in separate mental_floss blog entries, once a week.

And i just pretty much copy-pasted the article because i desperately need 50 grand for collegiate goodness.

on the subject of salmon

yesterday, i read the mentalfloss article on Salmon and Trout bots. it got me interested. so i clicked the wikipedia link, which led me to this seemingly innocuous page. It's almost blank... except for the name of the organization, and a box in which you type in your LiveJournal name. I stared at it for a moment.
should i type it in? do i really WANT to be contacted by entirely random (and potentially unpolite) people?
This mental argument was moot, really, because i didn't have a LiveJournal page. I use "didn't" in the past tense. I ended up making a LiveJournal page specifically so i could be contacted by entirely random and possibly impolite people. It's not interesting, and i'll never use it so im not linking it here.

HOWEVER. to any of my 6-9 subscribers who don't already have my AIM name: it's dorksvendetta. im usually online around 8-midnight central time. you guys arent quite as random as everybody else.... and probably a bit more polite.

themissinghat livejournal pretty much logs random conversations that people get from the salmonbots. in case you're interested.

geeky movies to raise kids on

10 Geeky Movies to Raise Your Kids On

By Ken Denmead

In our never-ending quest to provide you the tools and knowledge to raise your kids in your own geeky image, we present you with a list of 10 geeky movies to raise your kids with. This is a starter list, and by no means comprehensive. It also skews towards the younger set because we have to lay the proper geeky foundation. As always, leave your suggestions for additional titles in the comments.

1. Star Wars: You must, MUST! I say, start your child our with Episode IV: A New Hope. Diligence is key, brothers and sisters, and while your kids will probably enjoy even the new trilogy for its grand spectacle, they must be brought into the fold the right way. Isn't it a thousand times better to fall in love with the non-verbal pluckiness of R2-D2 in New Hope, and then cheer when he pops up in Phantom Menace? I knew you'd agree.

2. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's) Stone: The Potter movies are this generation's Star Wars trilogy, and so far, ALL of them have been well-done. The first is a perfect introduction to the world, in a more kid-friendly Chris Columbus way, and makes for a great way to get your kids into all sorts of fantasy literature later. I'll also take my lumps now: I'm *not* putting LOTR on this list because I don't think it's for younger kids - too long for them, and in cases too scary and violent. It'll definitely make the second list, for your Geeky Tweens, though, so have no fear.

3. The Last Starfighter: This is the film from our youth that did the first, and maybe best, job of arguing that being good at videogames could be worthwhile in other aspects of your life (like being able to save the universe someday). They early CG was pretty darned good, too. Classic tale of the downtrodden geeky kid getting to find out they're special, and live out a wish fulfillment.

4. My Neighbor Totoro: All Miyazaki is wonderful, with a beauty and spirit we seldom see in American-produced animation (Iron Giant counts as an exception to that statement). I chose Totoro because it's the most accessible for a child, I think (Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke are a bit too scary in parts). The imaginary friend angle appeals to every young-at-heart parent, as well. If you can get your kid in love with this, then follow up with Howl's Moving Castle, Kiki's Delivery Service, and Nausicaa.

5. Time Bandits: Another great story of wish-fulfillment for a downtrodden kid, but this one has a merry band of miscreant little-people, time-travel, Sean Connery, John Cleese, and David Warner. Plus, it sets them up for Brazil and all the Monty Python oeuvre as they get older. The Dark Crystal: The best pure-fantasy movie out there for younger kids, period. There are no human characters in the film at all (yes, I know, they're all puppets), but we still get attached to them and sucked into their world. An also-ran here would be Neverending Story, but I'd put Labyrinth in the tweens list for next time.

6. WarGames: You could argue for WarGames to be on the tweens list as well, but I like it here because the kids will connect with the computer angle, the being ignored by grown-ups angle. I also like the idea of starting them young with a sense of the government and military being important, but not always bad. Let's just pretend the "sequel" that's out on DVD now never happened, okay?

7. Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang: The technicolor American musical in all its splendor, with Dick van Dyke at his prime, and a magical car. The breakfast machine in the beginning should inspire many a Maker, and I always revel in noticing Desmond Llewelyn (original Q in the Bond movies - this was an Ian Fleming story, after all!), and Benny Hill as the toymaker.

8. Goonies: The perfect geek-gang adventure story with home-made gadgets, pirates, treasure and all, this movie also helps reinforce finding and sticking to friendships. The talk about a sequel for this movie, with most or all of the original cast, really gets me excited (just like the Tr2n footage).

9. Back to the Future: The best way to initiate your kids into the joys of time-travel stories, and the joys of all things Christopher Lloyd. This is one of those cases where the whole series is enjoyable and family-friendly, and the great geeky repeatable dialog will keep you amused for a long time. Hello, McFly?!?!

(yes this is stolen goods, from HERE)

I've only seen 5 out of 10! i must work on this! but i dont know where the 10th one went. oh well.

some random things

Watch this video. Seriously... its very... unfortunate...

Also, on the topic of the Large Hadron Collider:



And Adam Savage of Mythbusters is the MAN.

corbin sparrow redux

It seems that the Corbin Sparrow people (see my previous post) sold the rights to their design, and now the NMG (NO MORE GAS) vehicle has been born! Myers Motors has the rights now, it appears. The website selling you on the virtues of the little cars is HERE.

They're just the cutest cars ever. Too bad they're 30k and only have a 45 minute charge. Maybe one day when I'm rich and prosperous, I'll be able to drive one of these to the grocery store, or the unicorn stables. (So no, I'll probably never have one.)

Learn more about this and 5 other environmentally friendly cars (including the magnet car!) HERE.

Map of Heaven

I found the image HERE, if you can't see it very well. click it to get a better view.

The describing article is HERE.

It's incredibly amusing and interesting.

rejoice!

Hey guess what guys! We aren't dead yet! CERN didn't immediately wipe out the human race. Time to party! We've got a whole 5 years before we need to worry about that black hole that could have formed. Because in 5 years, it might have enough mass to start sucking us all into the abyss. So, cue anarchy. We might all die again in a short five years. But then again, it might be a billion. So we're all gonna die between 5 and a billion years from now. Don't exactly pin it down for us, do they?

what i hate about....

yeah im stealing from the beard guy again. but at least im citing him.

even though i consider myself a member of the second category there, i totally agree. religious AND athiest people are (generally) equally prejudiced against the other and constantly try to proselytize to the other. then there's the lucky dozen that can tolerate the other side. again, i consider myself to be part of this group. i go to a Catholic school, and i have NEVER (consciously) tried to "un-convert" anyone. but i make no secret of my lack of beliefs. when asked my denomination in mandatory religion class, i answer "NONE." Seventy-five percent of the class then pounces on me and tries to convert me, including the teacher. it bothers me that a religion supposedly built on loving every last soul on earth can't tolerate a dissenter. i guess that's cuz they're supposed to CONVERT every last soul on earth (*coughcough* never gonna happen *cough*) but still. surely they could let me continue to think of religion class as a kind of humanities course, or as a world history class. i don't want to have to hang on to every last homily the teacher spouts like it's canon. i don't even want to feel obligated to PRETEND like it's canon. i think i should have the right to be athiest (and be able to write that next to "Denomination" on forms at school) without some zealotous teacher/preacher pouncing on me. after all, i pay to be there. but i pay for the education, not for the sermons.

Linkage Again

The cookie monster defends his honor against Colbert! Awesome video if you EVER saw Sesame Street. and you know you did.

You know the Phobia List? Well this is the Mania List. it's in the same vein. Bet you didn't know nostomania was the obsession with going back to familiar places!

Itty Bitty houses!!! 65 square feet!!! thats hardly enough space to lay down in, but these people somehow manage to squeeze kitchens & bathrooms & living rooms in there too!!

Can't come up with new cheesey pet names to call your loved ones? Luckily, we have a solution.

mandarin pipedreams

"A Spanish person learning Portuguese is comparable to a violinist taking up the viola, whereas an American learning Chinese is more like a rock guitarist trying to learn to play an elaborate 30-stop three-manual pipe organ."

This disappoints me. My hopes of a major in Chinese with a summer abroad in Tianjin seem kind of less possible now that I've read this article. I was kind of hoping to be able to read a newspaper after a year or so.

It kind of makes me realize that everything about my idea of my college experience is probably completely impossibly hard.

• double-majoring in Psychology and Chinese, with a minor in Biology
• get out of grad school at UAB with my PhD in Neuroscience by 28 at latest.
• cram 160 credit hours into 4 years (split between PJC and FSU)
• be able to struggle through a newspaper in Chinese after Chinese II
• not starve the whole way through

I'm just glad I've got a head start.

"One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane." -Nikola Tesla

deal or no deal totally looks like disturbed

cool things people have said

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." -Stephen Hawking

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

"Nerds don't just happen to dress informally. They do it too consistently. Consciously or not, they dress informally as a prophylactic measure against stupidity." -Paul Graham

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." -Richard Dawkins

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." -Groucho Marx

"I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves." -Anna Quindlen

"I used to think the whole world was against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." -Unknown



"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others." -George Orwell

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." -Mae West

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." -Andre Gide

"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." -Susan Ertz

"Could you imagine how horrible things would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be intolerably bearable." -Randy K. Milholland

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." -Rita Rudner

"In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them." -Johann von Neumann

"Art is either plagiarism or revolution." -Paul Gauguin

"The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it." -Abbie Hoffman

"But seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already." -Waiter Rant

"The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy."- Alfred North Whitehead

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." -G. K. Chesterton

just dont know what to say here....

Truer caption has never been spoken. Even though it IS made up.

we are truly gangsta

kindly forgive this post. its the result of my staying home sick today. hence my posting about at noon-thirty.

that's trent and me over there to the left. we were quite glowy and gangsta on saturday, apparently.

the id tags and lanyards we gotta wear at school all of a sudden! i has some questions about them. for instance, can we replace the crappy CHS lanyard with a groovy one of our own? can we pimp them out with buttons? cuz i just ordered about a gazillion buttons off of Etsy and i want to show them off around my neck. (Look HERE and HERE)

today i get to go get my new ipod! terry is so awesome for getting it for me! and im stupid stupid stupid for leaving my beloved old one in the school library on friday. *thonks head* coulda had a v8.

interesting tidbit about me: i can't eat a granny smith apple if its not smothered in peanut butter first

ultimate showdown

the coolest video ever!

Time For Some Campaignin'

Time for Some Campaignin' | Funny Jokes at JibJab

yeah this is an old video, at least on internet standards. but one or two of you may not have seen it, and might get a chuckle. its very well animated, no denying that at least.

RIP the movie trailer voice guy

""You may not know the name, but you know his voice. Today we mourn the loss of the man who, for decades, has been the voice of movie trailers. Don LaFontaine died yesterday in Los Angeles. He was 68.

Thirty years ago, LaFontaine was working as a recording engineer on the promo for Dr. Strangelove, one of the first films to use specialized trailers for promotion. Don found that he had a knack for writing copy and editing music and effects for the spots, and he started specializing in movie trailer work. But his real break came when the announcer he’d hired for the Gunfighters of Casa Grande trailer didn’t show up. Don read the copy himself, just hoping to sell the script and technical effects to Columbia Pictures. To his surprise, they hired him to do the voice work for their promos, which led to other gigs in the industry.

His vocals have been heard on more than 5,000 trailers. He also coined many of the movie trailer clichés that are still commonly used today, such as: “In a world where…” and “Nowhere to run…” and “Now, more than ever…” He’ll be missed.""

swiped from this LINK

tank rampage '95

"At dusk of Wednesday, May 17, 1995, Shawn Nelson drove his van to the local National Guard Armory. The gate was open. The vehicle yard was completely deserted. Nelson likely used a crowbar to break open the tank hatch. The first tank he broke into would not start, and neither would the second. As Nelson lowered himself into the third tank, a 57-ton M-60 Patton, he was finally noticed by a Guardsman, who approached the tank. Nelson managed to start the vehicle, so the Guardsman called the police. Ammunition was kept in another building, so the vehicle's weapons were not loaded.

Nelson led police on a 23-minute, televised chase through the streets of the Clairemont neighborhood in San Diego. The tank's top speed was 45 miles per hour. The tank easily plowed through road signs, traffic lights, and, in what's probably the most famous image of the chase, crushed a van up against an RV, and then plowed straight through the RV, before getting caught on a median of State Route 163, as he attempted to cross the median into the oncoming traffic. He even attempted to take down a bridge, but got impatient and gave up after he failed to topple it with the first few hits. Four police officers climbed onto the tank. They were able to open the hatch, gaining access to the turret. The officers ordered Nelson to surrender, but he said nothing and began lurching the tank back and forth in attempt to free it from the median. Officers shot and killed Nelson."

that darn particle accelerator

Massive Particle Accelerator Is Ready To Go

Listen Now [17 min 49 sec]

August 29, 2008 · The massive Large Hadron Collider at CERN is just a few weeks away from startup. The particle accelerator has passed several key performance tests, and is on track to send the first beam of particles through the ring of the accelerator on Sept. 10.

Dan Hooper, associate scientist for the Theoretical Astrophysics Group, describes the mysteries that physicists hope the collider will help to solve.

Massive Particle Collider Raises Hopes, Concerns

Listen Now [12 min 29 sec]

April 11, 2008 · Physics researchers are looking to some very small particles to try to answer some big questions about the universe. Later this year, the Large Hadron Collider at CERN is scheduled to come on line. Scientists hope that this new collider, the most powerful in the world, will provide glimpses of particles and interactions that have so far been out of reach — including the elusive Higgs boson, a particle thought to be responsible for matter having mass.

Not everyone is excited about the work, however. A lawsuit has been filed in federal court in Hawaii arguing that high energy collisions produced by the research have the potential to produce unusual physical phenomena including "strangelets" and miniature black holes that could put the planet at risk.

Physicists say that while theory predicts that "miniature black holes" might be created in the collider, the same theories say that those black holes will have about as much energy as a mosquito, and will destroy themselves a fraction of a second later.

Frank Wilczek, 2004 Nobel Laureate in physics, explains why he's looking forward to the startup of LHC. In 1999, Wilczek and colleagues examined similar risk concerns surrounding the startup of the RHIC collider at Brookhaven National Lab.

the manhattan wheatfield

Agnes Denes, "Wheatfield - A Confrontation", Battery Park Landfill, NY, 1982

In 1982, [Agnes Denes] carried out what has become one of the best-known environmental art projects when she planted a two-acre field of wheat in a vacant lot in downtown Manhattan. Titled, Wheatfield -- A Confrontation, the artwork yielded 1,000 lbs. of wheat in the middle of New York City to comment on "human values and misplaced priorities".


I wasn't alive yet in 1982. Heck, I don't think my parents were out of high school yet. So 1982 is ancient history to me. I still think that this installation is really poignant. Someone needs to do something like this again. Because we, as a nation and as a race, still have misplace priorities and screwed up values. And somebody needs to make an extremely visible "comment" on it.